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“I just want to be happy”, a common response to a frequent question from the teacher. “What do you want….really?” We can all resonate with this at some level. Our lives sometimes reach levels of despair that seem impossible to recover from. One of these life experiences is witnessing the death of a loved one. Ok, so is it possible, and of course, is it ‘human’, to experience happiness during these challenging times? I’m not sure what ‘normal’ humans do today. I do know that these seemingly difficult times have had the most profound lessons for me.
In the early 90’s, as a firefighter/paramedic, I witnessed many hard core life experiences that molded who I find myself to be today. I have often characterized this episode of my life as having been given ‘front row seats’ to the some of the most difficult trials that people are presented with. I feel public safety officers are also given this gift. As part of our 24 hour shift, we would be called into everyday people’s homes, of all walks of life, to help them find solutions to all kinds of chaos they find themselves in. That is a much more accurate definition of a firefighter than that of ‘everyday hero’. Not that firefighters don’t do ‘heroic’ things, they absolutely do. But for a career firefighter, the hero part either never comes to be, or was just a matter of perception.
After a few years sitting in these ‘front row seats’, I started to question my own abilities to handle ‘seemingly chaotic’ situations I found myself in. The death of my parents became a frequent worry. Did I have the tools to get me through what I saw at the time as the ‘worst experience’ I could possibly be presented with in life? I realize that this might not fit your model of the worst case scenario, but it was for me at the time.
Recently, I had the blessing to find myself by my mom’s side when she passed. I felt it not only a blessing, but a huge honor. So the question arises for the context of this discourse, “was I happy” during this experience? Life has always provided me with everything I have needed to not only survive this life, but also to thrive…All I had to do was ‘pay attention’.
As I look back, I see that just by contemplating this fear, by confronting and bringing to the surface what I saw as a horrible life experience, life started providing all the answers, sometimes referred to as ‘tools’, that I needed. This is when I really started paying attention.
So this is a quick story about how life gave me a tool to use during one of these ‘most challenging’ life experiences, the passing of my mom.
My mom was 97 years old and extremely healthy, still driving and living on her own. We had home health care come be with her for 4 hours, 3 days a week. This was mainly for companionship, but also provided light house cleaning and helped with some meals. Mom loved being independent and wanted that freedom as long as she could maintain it.
About a week before her passing, we spent 4 days in the hospital, dealing with some fluid surrounding her lungs. Her doctors had been watching this for a little while, but it really hadn’t gotten bad. She was in the worst condition we had seen her in a long time. It certainly could have been seen as a ‘red flag’. The thought arose while we were in the hospital, “uh oh, she actually might not live forever’….Yes, that was a real thought I had.
This was the beginning of a downward spiral that I found that I couldn’t keep up with. Fortunately she was released from the hospital and was able to live her remaining days at home. But her condition got worse. And things were changing very fast.
Now was the time to really ‘pay attention’. I had received an ‘early’ copy of the soon to be released ‘Temple at Midnight’ CD from Miten. I plugged it into my CD player in my car and downloaded it on my phone. I started listening to it and found myself in tears as I was listening to ‘One Step at a Time’. And then the same reaction to ‘Everything as It Is’, then ‘Humaniversal’, then…..needless to say, life had shown up again, with everything I needed to not only get me through a challenging time, but to grow through this most blessed life experience.
Was there grieving, yes there was. I miss my mom. She was, and still is, a pillar of strength that I will always look up to. Ramana Maharshi said just prior to his passing, "I am not going anywhere, where shall I go? I shall be there where I am always." That is the case with my mom, my dad and my sister….and all the loved ones that I have had the gift of being with, that have moved to another dimension.
So the songs I now listen to the most from Temple at Midnight? Inescapable Love and Guruji.
Life is Good! We are blessed. Thank you Miten for ‘showing up’ in this life and playing your role as the River Man.
In the early 90’s, as a firefighter/paramedic, I witnessed many hard core life experiences that molded who I find myself to be today. I have often characterized this episode of my life as having been given ‘front row seats’ to the some of the most difficult trials that people are presented with. I feel public safety officers are also given this gift. As part of our 24 hour shift, we would be called into everyday people’s homes, of all walks of life, to help them find solutions to all kinds of chaos they find themselves in. That is a much more accurate definition of a firefighter than that of ‘everyday hero’. Not that firefighters don’t do ‘heroic’ things, they absolutely do. But for a career firefighter, the hero part either never comes to be, or was just a matter of perception.
After a few years sitting in these ‘front row seats’, I started to question my own abilities to handle ‘seemingly chaotic’ situations I found myself in. The death of my parents became a frequent worry. Did I have the tools to get me through what I saw at the time as the ‘worst experience’ I could possibly be presented with in life? I realize that this might not fit your model of the worst case scenario, but it was for me at the time.
Recently, I had the blessing to find myself by my mom’s side when she passed. I felt it not only a blessing, but a huge honor. So the question arises for the context of this discourse, “was I happy” during this experience? Life has always provided me with everything I have needed to not only survive this life, but also to thrive…All I had to do was ‘pay attention’.
As I look back, I see that just by contemplating this fear, by confronting and bringing to the surface what I saw as a horrible life experience, life started providing all the answers, sometimes referred to as ‘tools’, that I needed. This is when I really started paying attention.
So this is a quick story about how life gave me a tool to use during one of these ‘most challenging’ life experiences, the passing of my mom.
My mom was 97 years old and extremely healthy, still driving and living on her own. We had home health care come be with her for 4 hours, 3 days a week. This was mainly for companionship, but also provided light house cleaning and helped with some meals. Mom loved being independent and wanted that freedom as long as she could maintain it.
About a week before her passing, we spent 4 days in the hospital, dealing with some fluid surrounding her lungs. Her doctors had been watching this for a little while, but it really hadn’t gotten bad. She was in the worst condition we had seen her in a long time. It certainly could have been seen as a ‘red flag’. The thought arose while we were in the hospital, “uh oh, she actually might not live forever’….Yes, that was a real thought I had.
This was the beginning of a downward spiral that I found that I couldn’t keep up with. Fortunately she was released from the hospital and was able to live her remaining days at home. But her condition got worse. And things were changing very fast.
Now was the time to really ‘pay attention’. I had received an ‘early’ copy of the soon to be released ‘Temple at Midnight’ CD from Miten. I plugged it into my CD player in my car and downloaded it on my phone. I started listening to it and found myself in tears as I was listening to ‘One Step at a Time’. And then the same reaction to ‘Everything as It Is’, then ‘Humaniversal’, then…..needless to say, life had shown up again, with everything I needed to not only get me through a challenging time, but to grow through this most blessed life experience.
Was there grieving, yes there was. I miss my mom. She was, and still is, a pillar of strength that I will always look up to. Ramana Maharshi said just prior to his passing, "I am not going anywhere, where shall I go? I shall be there where I am always." That is the case with my mom, my dad and my sister….and all the loved ones that I have had the gift of being with, that have moved to another dimension.
So the songs I now listen to the most from Temple at Midnight? Inescapable Love and Guruji.
Life is Good! We are blessed. Thank you Miten for ‘showing up’ in this life and playing your role as the River Man.
Hal Martin
'Founder’ of Stop, Breathe and Smile and a retired firefighter. The above story is a sharing of my heart of experience. Although very much aware that I only live in this now moment, these moments are still appearing filled with memories. That is what is appearing. And as Miten so beautifully shares, “Everything is as it is….” namasté
'Founder’ of Stop, Breathe and Smile and a retired firefighter. The above story is a sharing of my heart of experience. Although very much aware that I only live in this now moment, these moments are still appearing filled with memories. That is what is appearing. And as Miten so beautifully shares, “Everything is as it is….” namasté